sore

My elbow hurts its sore and it makes me feel cranky. My legs hurt also which makes me even more cranky. I have to sleep with them propped up. But it still hurts. I have to shower. So that some of the pain is relieved.

hot man

Ok so I was feeling sorry for myself last night. I am so over that now. I had a session with a toy or two I now feel very relaxed lol. Ok so I went over to sexy muscle dudes page well he had a link to this page and mmmmm I found the body ummmm how about I just show you enough talking already.


Oh my don't you just wish that sheet would fall. Be still my beating heart..... OH MY I must go wipe up the drool now.

Yep he is sexy....He is getting put on my Christmas list. I wonder if Santa could sit me in his lap mmmmm Ok Im off to do something besides staring at him and wishing th sheet would fall.

Till next time.....

rejection

Ok so tonight I sent my picture to a guy who took one look at the fucked up thing that it was. He then promptly signed off and I haven't heard from him since. I am currently trying to figure out whats wrong with me. It may have been the fact that I wasn't willing to dress up and take the picture. Or maybe it was the fact that I wouldn't take a naked picture for him. I explained I don't like taking pictures.

I guess I'm just meant to be alone for a while I guess. BIG ASS SIGH. Maybe I'm not cute. I could be butt ass ugly and just don't know it yet.

What do you think?

Thanksgiving

You know every year when you were in school you always as had to answer the question what are you thankful for. Well its a good question what are you thankful for?

I am personally thankful for my family and my pride. I love my family. I am looking forward to spending sometime with them. I am also thankful for my grandma. Without her nothing would be possible. I mean that literally. I love her. She has done so much for me. LOVE YOU GRANNY.

Grandma rocks. She is awesome. Not even because she is grandma but because she is the strongest person in our family. No matter what your problem is she can help and she can solve it. I love her she is awesome.

I am also thankful for my son. Every time I see little man it makes me happy that I am a parent. For every gooey hand print that is left on my window or on my nice shirt. I know that there is a kiss and a hug that will say I'm sorry mommy. I love the kisses. They mean a lot to me. There is nothing like knowing someone loves you. I know that even if I am broke and penniless he still loves me. That is what makes going to work and dealing with crazy people worth it.

Till next time.....

hot man

Tell me he isn't the sexiest dude you have seen with a towel. Oh baby. I would love to pour honey over his chest and well ummmm yeah i gotta go now. mmmmmmmm honey and that chest. Oh my.......I'm off to fan myself.

This pic is from sexy muscle dudes page he has some lovely men posted up over there you should check him out.

the past

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Nick

You know when you see something and you can't focus on what it is. I had one of those days today. He called. Yep he called. He doesn't know about this blog I wonder how long it will stay under his radar. His name Nick. My name Tasha. He is married save me your crap about me being so wrong.

I don't really care to hear it. I already know that what I'm doing is wrong. But what about what he did to me. He lied to me for over a year. Yep to me the one that is supposed to be his princess. I love him. Yep thats wrong too. But its ok. He only told me the truth when I pushed an issue about not seeing me on memorial day. I was so upset that I was screaming in the phone. I was just pissed. I was hurt. I was everything. I was so angry.

Now my problem with him at this point is I'm stuck with him. I can't let go. I have tried it hurt to much. But I'm over these lies we have. Like you know when you were little you told your first lie well you dont remember that one but you know when you lie. You feel bad. But then when you confess you feel better. I dont wanna just feel better I wanna be happier. You know I want a guy I can take home to grandma and family. I cant take him home to the family. They would eat him alive. I want a guy that is strong enough for me and my family. That has no problem being himself. That can love me and not get confused in trying to keep me his lies to make that happen. I just want a grown up man. Not some kid that is barely legal. Gosh I want a lot don't I.....

I hope to meet that guy that can look at me and treat me like his partner and his equal. That guy that sees me when I am sick and knows that I dont look my best but still thinks im pretty. I want a guy that finds me attractive in general.

childhood

Do you remember when you were a kid? You used to play with Barbies, or GI Joe? I loved playing with Barbie. Unlike the most of middle America I had the black Barbie but as some of you ladies know her name was Christine not Barbie. She was awesome although now she is the same as Barbie but before she was just her friend. She was the first Barbie friend I do believe. I also had Steve he was the black version of Ken. He still had plastic hair. OMG I went to the Barbie site. It brought back some memories. I remember playing Barbies with my friends and having the biggest sleepover with them. It was so much fun. I remember the Barbie with all the hair that was all long and had crinkles. LOL Sometimes when you think about childhood you wonder how you survived. Then other parts you are just shocked with your creativity.

We had more creativity then than kids do now. I feel sorry for this generation of kids growing up now. Yeah they have techonology that we didnt have then but because we didnt have it we became creative imaginative. We used our brains to have more. Now kids are looking to parents at the grand age of 4 and saying they want a cell phone. Sorry not my son. He gets a phone when he can get a job. I had to get a job to get a phone. Yeah say what you want but me not buying him a phone is not gonna cause him to go crazy at the grand old age of 10. Seriously I am not gonna get him a phone nor am I gonna buy him a ps3 or a wii. I refuse. Nope not this mommy. This mommy is gonna buy herself a wii. Hopefully come tax time I will get me a big ass 42in tv.

But this mommy has a job so that she can buy that. Yep me and the boy will go blind from watching Madagascar on the big ass tv. I will then go broke buying the wii that will be outstandingly out priced. But never mind that. I will be helping the economy. Yep the failing hobbling economy. But maybe by then it wont be so bad. I could but said wii on layaway. But if I did that now I would have to have it out by Christmas. That just wont do.

randomness

Have you ever thought about how life can change quickly? For instance a few years ago I was trying to find myself. I was involved in the BDSM lifestyle. I was involved with a guy that was emotionally withdrawn. I ended my relationship with him only to become single for a time and leave the BDSM lifestyle. I am now involved with a married man.

I feel like so much of my life has been full of bullshit. You know I always thought when I hit 26 I would be married with a PhD in psychology. I was gonna have 4 kids and have the house the dog the husband. Yet here I am not married with one kid. No house no dog no husband. Which means right now my life is in the bad place. I have to turn it around I just don't know how. I just I have no clue how to turn it around. Don't get me wrong I have a good job. I love my job. I just want out of this crappy circle I am trapped in.

wth

I got a nose bleed for the first time in like years. It came out of nowhere. It just happened sitting in bed. Wth..... Grrrrr I now have tissue to my nose hoping it doesnt stain my sheets. Jeez why me.

green eyed monster

You know what I find to be the most difficult part of being in a relationship. Well a normal relationship its the communication part. In what ever it is that we have its the part of sharing whats bothering me. How do you tell this person that your upset because they left their phone at home and since they did that they couldnt talk to you. It made me angry. Really angry. Then I started thinking well i have no hold or connections to him. So what if he left his phone at home. So what if i dont like him being in the same room as her so what. I mean I came to the realization today that what i want doesnt really matter anymore. Im not all that sure it mattered in the first place. I just get so angry sometimes. I wish things were different. I wish he would leave if he did then what. I would then have to change how I am. I would have to be more aware of him. Not like Im not but I would have to be more on my game than I tend to be now. Would that suck not really. I just am so angry. I mean really angry.